How to motivate yourself when you just *can’t*
We all have those moments where we just cannot do the thing.
We know we should do the thing. We know it’s important. We know we’ll feel better after doing the thing. We know how to do the thing.
But we still don’t do the thing.
Why?!
The ‘thing’ could be working out, cleaning the bathroom, sending an email, replying to a WhatsApp message - literally anything. But when motivation disappears in your moment of need, how can you give yourself a kick up the rear and get the thing done, even if it’s the last thing in the world you want to do right now?
That’s what we’re here to solve today: how to get the thing done with zero motivation whatsoever.
First: listen to your body & mind
Before we look at how to push through that ‘can’t be bothered’ feeling, it’s important that you learn to tell the difference between ‘can’t be bothered’ and ‘actually really need rest’.
Particularly if the thing you’re lacking motivation in is going to the gym or doing a workout or hopping onto your mat for a flow, that little voice telling you not to do it might actually be worth listening to.
Sometimes, we need rest. Even if we don’t feel as though we’ve done enough to deserve it, our bodies and minds crave a moment of peace. A rest day, a night on the sofa, a skipped yoga class - none of those things make you a failure.
In fact, if you push through and don’t listen to that voice telling you to rest, you’re more likely to end up injuring yourself and setting back your progress way further than you would by just taking a break.
It’s not easy to tell the difference between a lack of motivation just because and a lack of motivation because your body desperately needs a break - but learning to recognise which is which and knowing when to not push yourself too far is really important!
Is your motivation strong enough?
If you’re finding yourself always struggling to stick to your plans and never reaching your goals, it might be that your goals don’t actually matter to you.
You might think they matter - but if the emotional why behind your goals isn’t strong enough, you won’t ever have the motivation to see them through.
It’s worth taking some time to really dig deep into why you want to achieve that goal. If your goal is to practice yoga 5 days a week, why do you want to do that? Is it because you think you should? Or because you enjoy the feeling it gives you afterwards?
There’s a huge psychological difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivators - and if your goal is driven only by extrinsic motivating factors, you’re far less likely to have the drive to take the action needed to reach that goal.
Extrinsic motivators are things that are external to yourself, like:
Money
Looks
Status
Intrinsic motivators are things that are internal to yourself, like:
Happiness
Confidence
Quality time with loved ones
Extrinsic motivators might get you a good way towards your goal initially, but they can only take you so far. Once you reach a certain point, your intrinsic motivators have to take over to get you across the line.
Let’s look at the 5-day-a-week yoga goal again. In that scenario, the extrinsic motivators might be the status of being able to say you went to 5 yoga classes that week or keeping up appearances with your friends who do yoga every single day.
Those motivators won’t be enough to keep you consistently doing 5 classes a week.
But, if you dig a little deeper and actually realise that you want to practice yoga because it helps your anxiety, builds your strength so you can play with your kids without getting out of breath, and gives you a few hours of you-time each week - those intrinsic motivators will be far more likely to get you to your goal.
Struggling to find your intrinsic motivation? Start by checking that your goals meet these 2 requirements:
Self-Efficacy - have you set the goal yourself or has someone else imposed it on you? Self-set goals are far more likely to have an element of intrinsic motivation - and therefore be more successful!
Revisit your purpose - does your goal connect to your greater sense of purpose? If, for example, you’ve found a sense of purpose in raising children in a safe, happy environment, your goal to get a promotion at work supports that goal (via an extrinsic motivator, money!). If you can’t connect your goal to a greater purpose, you’ll struggle to find intrinsic motivation to achieve it.
If your goals meet those 2 requirements, you should be able to identify at least one (if not more) intrinsic motivator if you keep asking yourself ‘why do I want to achieve this?’.
Discipline vs Motivation - what do you actually need?
If your goals have identifiable intrinsic motivators but you’re still struggling to take the action you need to achieve them, that’s where discipline saves the day.
Motivation isn’t the same as discipline, despite the fact they may seem pretty similar. So what makes them different?
Motivation is the why, discipline is what you actually do.
Motivation is a ‘thing’, discipline is the action.
Motivation produces emotion, discipline produces results.
Motivation is circumstantial, discipline is goal-oriented.
There are hundreds of quotes like that illustrating the difference between motivation and discipline (seriously, Google it - hundreds) - but the important thing for us is that discipline steps in when motivation falters.
You can have the strongest intrinsic motivators in the world and still not achieve your goals, because life gets in the way, intrinsic motivators are overridden by in-the-moment extrinsic desires and you just cannot be bothered to take the action you know you should.
In those moments, it’s discipline that matters more than motivation. Motivation without discipline is a pie-in-the-sky wish. Motivation with discipline is getting sh*t done even when you absolutely don’t want to.
The good news is that discipline is like a muscle: it can be strengthened through practice. Some of us are naturally more inclined to be disciplined than others, just like some of us are genetically predisposed to be better at touching our toes - but that doesn’t mean either of those things can’t be trained and developed and nurtured over time.
How to develop discipline - so you can achieve your goals with zero motivation
Remove temptations & friction
Make it as easy as possible for you to take the action you need to take, by removing obstacles and temptations.
Changing your environment and crafting it to nudge you into taking the right action is hugely powerful.
If your goal is to go for a run in the morning, get your running clothes out the night before and put them right by your bed - so when you wake up in the morning, you immediately see your running gear and don’t have to spend 5 minutes finding your favourite leggings. You can take this a step further and remove temptations from your environment too - if you find yourself falling into a scroll-hole instead and running out of time for your morning run, put your phone out of sight out of mind until after your run is finished.
Turn your goals into a plan
It’s all very well saying “I want to workout more” - but what does ‘more’ mean? When are you going to workout? What are you going to do? How are you going to get to the gym?
Turning a goal into an actual plan is simple: set a quantifiable goal (e.g. go to yoga 5 times a week) and then plot an action plan to achieve that (e.g. book your 5 favourite classes and add them to your calendar).
Keep your plan front-of-mind
Life is busy. Stuff goes off-track. Things distract us. Our plan is great, but if it’s only a plan in our heads or in our diary that we always leave at home, it’s no good.
Your plan (and a reminder of your goals and your intrinsic motivators too) needs to be right in front of your face as often as possible. Put post-it notes on the fridge, add reminders to your phone, your calendar, email yourself, tattoo them on the insides of your eyelids (not recommended) - whatever it takes to keep your plans in your mind every moment of the day.
Building self-discipline can feel tiring, because it’s another mental load to carry - but if you’re able to add daily reminders of your plan into your life, you’ll be strengthening that discipline muscle and achieving your goals will get easier everyday.
Believe in yourself!
If you tell yourself you’re not disciplined enough or don’t have enough willpower or you’re just destined to not achieve your goals - you never will.
The stories we tell ourselves are more powerful than you think, so if you’re serious about building discipline and achieving your goals, you need to change your internal narrative.
The more you’re able to prove to yourself that you can be disciplined and can do difficult things, the more you’ll believe in yourself, giving yourself an extra boost of motivation and confidence to smash your goals.
You can do the thing - even if you don’t want to!
Discipline > motivation. Intrinsic motivation > extrinsic motivation. Belief > doubt.
There we have it: the key to doing the things even when you just can’t be bothered. It’s all in your head. The more you believe in yourself, the more you practice discipline and the more you remind yourself of your why, the easier you’ll find it to achieve greatness.
And if one of your goals just so happens to be ‘do more yoga’, you know where to find us!